Crystal Head Vodka microReview

“Doesn’t that sound awesome?” my friend Cora breathed as the advertisement ended. To be honest, I had to agree. Dan Aykroyd presented a glowing description of the vodka, as well as the world of spiritualism.

Crystal Skull Vodka was described by the “heart of the Ghostbusters” as “the purest as achievable.” It is distilled four times. The vodka is made from Newfoundland water and is triple-filtered through Herkimer diamonds. Each bottle is hand-filled. And there is supposed to be a slightly “creamy sweet flavor.”

At the end of eight minutes, my nostalgia and sentimentalism and appreciation for story burst in a raging font of need against my dam of common sense. Thankfully, my cynicism kicked in.

My weaknesses, besides nostalgic and sentimental tendencies, include visual gluttony. Ethereal landscape photography, intricate celtic knot tattoos, sumptuous pictures of feasts – I love them all. It is ironic since my vision is atrocious and my eyeglass lenses grow thicker and thicker with every visit to the optometrist. So, the blind taste test is the way for me to find out if I truly like a food or drink more than the normal version of what I eat.

Back in the days before Crystal Head Vodka was released in mini bottles, I toddled off to my local liquor box store and invested in a glass skull filled to the brim with clear, intoxicating fermented Yorkshire wheat goodness. Then, at home, I poured myself a mouthful of the fifty dollars and a mouthful of Grey Goose Vodka.

My conclusions are these:

  1. Both brands smell like nail polish remover. Growing up with two sisters helped me down the comparison and yep, many is the time a sister would exit her room, waving a languid hand, and wafting that chemical odor from newly-cleaned digits. 
  2. I really prefer vodka mixed with something. I couldn’t taste the creaminess of the straight liquor anyway.
  3. The reason I probably prefer Grey Goose to Crystal Head is because my own nostalgia and sentimentalism surrounding that brand is far more personal than a good story told by a stranger. My parents introduced me to vodka and tonics when I turned 21 and that is my go-to beverage on a hot and sticky summer’s late-afternoon, early-evening.
  4. Those who enjoy Crystal Head Vodka, you do you. Have fun.
  5. What I do like about CHV (I’m now tired of constantly writing that over and over again) is the fact the skull bottle makes a snazzy change jar.

Here’s a link to that advertisement on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKqjIv91Zx8

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